You don’t have to find the right people. Honor God and the right people will find you. – Joel Osteen.
Last night I wrote about God’s grace and it couldn’t be more true. Each day God does bring us new blessings and gifts, if we just stop long enough to notice and appreciate them.
When I was first navigating this journey, I kept searching. I kept looking for the next person who could help me. After going through the Fairview system and getting misdiagnosed and mistreated, I didn’t trust anything or anyone. I searched and searched.
What I realize now is that with all my searching I wasn’t trusting God to do his part. I was trying to take control instead of letting go and letting God do what He does best. Take care of us. I exhausted every single avenue I could think of. I went to a natural doctor, a hormone specialist, an acupuncturist, a nurse practitioner, a new therapist. And through all of that searching I never found peace. Not once.
After I felt that I had exhausted every single avenue. The next day, literally, the next day, a nurse from my OB clinic called me and told me that she’s holding a spot with a post partum therapist that she highly recommends I see. The appointment was two days later. I didn’t know what to do. The nurse was adamant, but I was scared. Scared of what she might tell me, scared of getting worse, scared of ending up hospitalized and being away from my husband and son.
I heard the care and sincerity in that nurse’s voice and I agreed. Now, I know that this was truly the turning point for me in this Journey of Transformation. God brought my new therapist into my life and she was the first person to understand and know what I was going through. She had her own personal struggles with post partum, which made it so much easier for me to trust her and to relate to her.
Did it get easy right away? No, far from it. Lots of things had to change. But, slowly, things did start to move in the right direction. Although, I’m still not fully recovered, I can say that my HOPE is, and that is a victory all on it’s own.
My therapist referred me to a new doctor who performed genetic testing on me. The testing revealed so much to us. It showed me that I’m unable to metabolize certain anti-depressants, which makes the side effects heightened and puts the patient at higher risk for suicidal thoughts and actions. Unfortunately, every single medication that I had been on up until that point landed in that category.
My new doctor was able to prescribe a medication that I was able to metabolize and she introduced it into my body very slowly to ensure that I didn’t experience the same reactions as before. She also prescribed a very low dose, non habit forming medication, to help me sleep and to help me eat. It truly was life changing for me at that moment. I was at my lowest weight that I had been since middle school and I was only sleeping a couple of hours at a time.
I share this entire story to prove Joel’s point. Once I was at rest and I stopped trying to figure everything out, God stepped in. He knew the team that I needed. I just needed to follow his lead and trust him, instead of relying on myself. It’s a very humbling experience. This experience has forced me to have to depend not only on Him, but many others as well. Something that I’ve never been very good at. I think this is all a part of His plan.
Tonight, I urge anyone who is struggling, anyone who is trying to control or change a situation, anyone who feels hopeless to just stop and be still. To wait on the Lord and see what or who comes into your life at the right time. It may be that some walk out of your life. I’ve experienced that too during this journey and that’s okay. There’s a reason for it. We just need to lean in and trust him. He truly has us in the palms of his hand.
Items I’m grateful for:
– Butterflies. Every time I see one I think of my aunt Linda.
– The season of renewal, it’s all around us and it’s beautiful.
– The community in my life that continues to support and lift me up daily.