As I sit and reflect tonight it is hard to believe my last post was in May. Forgive me for being so absent, I have no clue where summer went. It’s been 3 months. 3 months since the worst day of my life. I should be 6 months pregnant, but instead I am about to begin a second round of IVF. Most couples are fortunate enough to have frozen embryos after their fresh cycles, but unfortunately that was another struggle we faced. We were left with none. So here I go again feeling like a complete pin cushion. For those unaware of this process, you inject yourself numerous times a day along with taking a laundry list of pills. The stress of mixing up your medications before injecting them is let alone enough to make you go crazy. But when you look at the end goal…the prize possession…it makes it all worth it. I’d stab myself with a needle a million times over if it meant bringing another child to our family.
I’m super excited to say that I have started a support group. Our first meeting will be in a few weeks, but I couldn’t be more proud of the women that found it in them to reach out and join. Because of infertility being such a secretive topic, it’s hard to find others going through it. But I guarantee someone you work with, someone you go to church with, etc they are facing this awful disease. After all, 1 in 8 couples are. As I sat in church this morning, the pastor was talking about the earthquake in Oklahoma yesterday. He ended up relating it to our own earthquakes we are facing. What earthquake are you facing in your life right now? Unfortunately, it didn’t take me long to answer that question in my head. Infertility lives within you every single day. Every time you see a pregnant person, you are reminded why not me? Every time you walk through Target past all the baby aisles, you say why not me? Every time you log onto facebook and see a pregnancy announcement you say again, why not me? Part of me starting The Cocoon, (my support group) is to remind these women we are not alone. It’s not why me, but instead what can I learn from this? How will my faith in the Lord grow from this? Is he making me be patient for a reason? Over time, we are each going to know exactly the reason we went through our journey’s. God will transform this heartache into wisdom.
If any of you follow my best friend Jenna Allerson and her blog posts you will see we have some exciting news ahead. Certain people come into your lives for a reason. Some leave and some stay. I’m so grateful that this is a friend who has stayed. We have both faced very trying times. We may have not overcome them yet, but we want to help others. This is where The Linda Project comes in. That’s all I’m going to say for now, but I couldn’t be more excited for what’s ahead. Obviously more to come!
So for tonight I’ll leave you with this excerpt from a book I’m reading right now, Battlefield of the Mind. If you are struggling from anything in life that is causing you doubt or disbelief, remember you have a choice. You may not have control, but you have a choice!!
“We have already established that faith is the gift of God, so we know that we have faith. But doubt is a choice. It is the devil’s warfare tactic against our minds. Since you can choose your own thoughts, when doubt comes you should learn to recognize it for what it is, say “NO, thank you” – and keep on believing! The choice is yours!”
I will keep on believing. This journey may be at the 3 year mark, but I know what lies ahead will be a lifetime of happiness.
Hope you all have a wonderful Labor Day spending it with the ones you love.